Raise your hand if you sometimes get scared or nervous to share your differing opinion. *raises hand*
Raise your hand if you sometimes say yes to things out of obligation instead of desire. *raises hand*
If you have ever passed the blame to someone else because you couldn't take making another mistake that week. *raises hand*
If you sometimes feel like the only person that is going to meet your needs, is you. *raises hand*
You might do all of these things, or you might do different things. These might be a normal response of yours, or maybe you do them occasionally. More to the point, what do these things have in common?
They require you to show up in your raw human form
- without your superhero cape.
I know what you're thinking...
Uh, no cape? but I feel naked without my cape!
Yes, doesn't everyone? There are times that the idea alone of being your big, open, true self to someone is enough to cause sensations inside that are physically revolting. So how do you endure this? How do you discern those sensations, shift out the stories that come with them, and then step forward and show up in your raw human moments?
I think it has a lot to do with trust - not only in others, but in yourself. I'll be dishing out plenty of Brené Brown wisdom today, she talks about how we do indeed need to pay attention to who we are being vulnerable with; that people need to earn the right to see you in your big, open, raw form. Not everyone will be equipped to support you properly, or even tolerate your story, based on their own stories and experiences.
I feel like this is why self-trust is so important. It is a journey, just like everything else. To trust yourself, you have to really know yourself - know your goals, and what motivates you; know your past, and what triggers you; your patterns, and if they work for you or against you. When you know these things you can trust in your decisions better; when and who you can be vulnerable, be seen fully, with.
Brené Brown talks about "rumbling with trust" in her latest book Rising Strong. She shared an acronym that she uses to rumble with trust in relationship to herself and others; she calls it BRAVING. Which I love for so many reasons! Brave has been/is one of my favorite words of all time. You know that song, Brave by Sara Bareilles? You should; yes I know it's a catchy pop song, but the words... the words are fantastic.
🎶 nothing's going to hurt you
the way the [unspoken] words do
when they settle neath your skin 🎶
If you don't know it, go have yourself a listen, or read the lyrics; it's got some powerful truth in it. Bravery is also necessary if you are going to show up in your life in a real way. BRAVING is a good set of guidelines to rumble with trust - Boundaries, Reliability, Accountability, Vault, Integrity, Non-judgment, Generosity. I really like the set of questions Brené shared in her book for assessing BRAVING, so I am going to share them with you.
B - Did I respect my own boundaries? Was I clear about what's okay and what's not okay?
R - Was I reliable? Did I do what I said I was going to do?
A - Did I hold myself accountable? Did I apologize, and make amends?
V - Did I respect the vault and share other's stories appropriately?
I - Did I act from my integrity?
N - Did I ask for what I need? Was I nonjudgmental about needing help?
G - Was I generous toward myself and toward others?
When you practice BRAVING, and allow others to practice with you, real connection and trust can be fostered in your relationship with yourself and others. Trust and mistakes can co-exist when you are brave enough to show up without the cape. How would it feel if you showed up, raw and real, to someone and they responded with understanding and love? Imagine it now... pretty incredible right? Maybe even overwhelmingly so. This is what can happen when you dare to be brave together, to trust together, to show up.
You are loved. You are supported. You are enough.